If Your Child Wants to Quit?

Dear Parents and Students,

This article I wish all of you to read and ponder on its contents and how it can help you or your child when a situation of wanting to Quit Karate comes up in conversation. The worst thing you could do is let them quit. This will teach them that even though you made a commitment for them or yourself to come to class and when it gets hard, or they do not understand what is being taught very well, that the best thing to do is to stick it out, get help from the instructor and parents to get through this hard time and keep going. When this problem comes up contact your instructor for assistance and let’s work at a team to get the student through this hardship. This is the time for the most growth and they will never regret succeeding. This is why we do what we do.

"He Didn’t Want to and I Didn’t Want to Force Him"
MA Success Magazine Article written by Jim King

We all lost students since we know that we cannot please everyone all the time. However, sometimes we lost students simply because they are allergic to structure and discipline. I have never had a five - to - 13 year- old come into my school and tell me that they wanted to learn structure, discipline, manners, self-defense and self esteem. It has always been a parent.

Who put little kids in charge of decision-making anyway? Let me tell you what I have found in my dealing with parents over the last 14 years. Over 52% of North America is divorced. 70% of my after school parents are single parents who come to me because of what we offer: structure, discipline, and a talent and skill for children. Children of divorce are often casualties of war. Parents of divorced children often fight for the love of their children.

Maybe one parent of a child will let the child stay up to ten or eleven at night while in their custody, and maybe let the child watch movies like The Terminator or Predator. When then child is in the other parent’s custody, they will only let the child watch age-appropriate movies that are "G" rated and set bedtime at perhaps 8:30. The other parent may send out for pizza or stop by and get some fast food and eat late, while the other wants to have a well-rounded meal with vegetables at a regular dinnertime.

This contrary behavior is often meant to hurt the ex-spouse in a tug-of-war for the love of their child. Who is more fun? Who gives more toys? Who lets the child get what he or she wants so that they love that parent more?

It is usually single moms who come into a martial arts school these days, especially for after-school martial arts, because they need to have their child somewhere after school. This mom will sit and speak with me for ten to 20 minutes about our program and then ask the child what he/she wants to do. She wants to make sure that she isn’t doing anything that would upset her little boy because she wants him to love her.

Sometimes we have to make decisions for our children that may not be popular with them for their own good. We need to set their bedtime, dinnertime, what movies they can and cannot watch, what clothes they can and cannot wear and on and on. We must be firm as parents and teachers for our children’s and student’s own welfare. We must be the bosses, not the other way around.

I know that a single parents doesn’t want to hear that from her 13 year old son that "You can’t make me and I’m not going to do it," whatever it is. This happens by empowering five-year-olds to make their own decisions that will affect their lives.

I, along with many doctors and educators, think that single parents especially have to make the firm decisions for their children’s own welfare. So when a child doesn’t show up for class and the parent says that he didn’t want to go anymore and she wasn’t going to force him, may not be in the child’s best interest.

The mother brought her son to my school mainly for discipline (I write down all goals at point of enrollment on the back of their paperwork). And when we have consequences for standing on the bus while it’s moving they want to cut and run. They don’t want to do anything that would upset their child, like writing, time-out, belt-removal or any other disciplinary action for inappropriate behavior, even if they deserve it and it’s the best thing for their child. They want their child to love them and don’t want to force them to face up to the consequences of their actions. But what if their child doesn’t want to go to school?

Writing the goals down at point of enrollment and then reminding the parent about these goals, is one way of overcoming letting a child call the shots. Have the parent come in with the child and discuss any problems. Ask for their support and redirect and motivate the student. If they pull out, tell them to watch Super Nanny on TV.